Firstly, some irrevocable Ascension factors:
- Ascension leaves no stone unturned. Everything gets uprooted. No aspect of life is spared, no matter how much you may wish to avoid or deny it. The closets will open. The skeletons will rattle out.
- Ascension goes to the end of the line. Nothing is dealt with superficially. There is nothing you can hide in a psychological bottom drawer somewhere that will escape scrutiny. Root cause resolution only. Your sexuality will be scraped to the bone.
- Sexuality is a feminine energy. This makes it naturally a tricky energy for men to handle. Men long for it but don’t innately know how to work with it safely, comfortably, respectfully and consensually.
The current 3D male sexual paradigm is a watered-down version of early patriarchal sexual programming where sex was inherently violent. In societies where women were regarded as chattels, laws made by men for men guaranteed sexual access to wives, servants, prostitutes and slaves, and the right to rape the womenfolk of their defeated foes. Patriarchies created socially legitimate ways of venting male lust so that society remained robust enough to survive in an age of constant warring and conquest.
I doubt this sex involved much pleasure. It would’ve been mostly brief, forceful and emotionally distant. In Distant View from a Minaret, a short story by Alifa Rifaat, a man refuses to prolong sex beyond his own orgasm to satisfy his wife. Sex was inherently dirty, a shameful necessity.
Several thousand years of patriarchy have left a deep impression on the collective male unconscious. Its worst excesses have gone, but its imprint remains.
Several thousand years of such behaviour have left a deep impression on the collective male unconscious. The worst excesses of patriarchy have gone, but its imprint remains. I’ve written about this in a series of posts on Sex in patriarchy.
When men undergo Ascension, the age-old sexual conditioning in the gutter of their unconscious comes into conflict with the three factors above. The result is a long, profoundly challenging journey to overcome thousands of years of sexually destructive programming and implement a new, pro-feminine sexual paradigm.
This is, in my experience, the hardest part of Ascension for men. Because:
1 Men are disconnected from their sexuality
In The Alphabet versus the Goddess, Leonard Shlain articulates how the rise of patriarchy saw humanity expand its left-brain functioning to the point that we now have hemispheric dominance by that lobe. The left lobe contains much of our intellectual processing and has given rise to marvellous inventions like cameras that can take pictures of naked women (see #3). It’s also separated us from a lot of our right brain, instinctive programming, including our sexuality.
This is bad enough for women, for whom sexuality is a native energy, but for men it’s a catastrophe. We are mostly disconnected from our genitals and have no idea how to manage our sexual energy other than spurting it out in often-inappropriate ways.
2 Men are in emotional lockdown
So how do men deal with this inability to handle sexuality safely?
Men have been conditioned for thousands of years to avoid emotional stuff and be the strong dude who kills/makes money/eats/fucks (circle as appropriate) without sentiment. That’s because as soon as you get sentimental, the ability to kill (physically or financially) suffers, and this threatens survival.
As a result men are poorly equipped for deep emotional and sexual change. They have no frame of reference for it and little modelling. For most men, displaying any kind of vulnerability is still an absolute no-no. Hence:
3 It’s easier to look at porn
A men’s coach recently told me that every single one of his clients had issues with porn. It’s probably fair to say that no man will make it through Ascension without having issues with porn.
Dodging their emotional lockdown (see #2), men can get a sexual kick without having to deal with all the sticky stuff of actual sex and, well, sentient emotional creatures such as other human beings. For many late-patriarchal males, shorn of sexual confidence and dogged by sexual phobias, porn may not even feel like that poor a substitute.
But Ascension does not let you get away with this. The urge to view porn is a pointer to the psychosexual wounds inside us. They are surfacing through the porn, looking for acceptance and release. They are communicating with us using the most intelligent language at their disposal—porn.
On the Ascension path, porn becomes a tool that men can use to unpick their deepest sexual wounds as they release the 3D patriarchal sexual paradigm.
But let’s assume our ascending male, struggling with all the issues above, makes it into bed (or, hopefully, somewhere more exciting than that) with a partner. His Ascension to-do list is about to get longer.
4 Men are afraid to initiate sex
Initiating sex has historically been a male prerogative. Men decided when they wanted sex; women submitted. As recently as the early 20th century, Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi wrote that, “When a man calls his wife to engage in sexual intercourse with him and she does not go and because of this he sleeps away angrily; the angels continue cursing this woman until the morning.” Women who didn’t submit were punished; those who initiated sex were shamed as temptresses and were also punished.
All of that has thankfully gone out the door with the recognition of the sexual sovereignty of women. Men still have old patriarchal programming clunking around and this shift in gender rights leaves some of them confused at an unconscious level. They want sex but, uncertain of the boundaries and lacking the emotional intelligence to negotiate consensually, find it easier to avoid it.
5 Men don’t show up emotionally
This is a further manifestation of emotional lockdown (#2). Men aren’t used to showing up emotionally: to bring their deepest selves to the party along with their bodies. They turn up physically but are emotionally distant. For today’s increasingly emotionally literate women, this is deeply frustrating. For men, it’s absolutely frightening.
Let’s move on and get some sex underway. Our ascending male has plenty of other dysfunctions he will have to overcome on his journey. We’ll explore the other six reasons in Part II.